# PC "noob" quotes



## Apokarteron

I've heard lots of things that people that don't know anything about computers have said, here's one:
some people think computer viruses are contagious and if you put a CD/game in, it might catch a virus and pass it to another PC.

have you heard any?


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## Xycron

I swear to god something like that happened with my windows 95 CD....the CD got a virus on it... i had to keep reformating and reinstalling and as soon as i installed window's there was a virus...I had a 1x CDburner...i think somehow is managed to burn a virus in on the CD....which seems impossible to me.....what more likly happened is i got a copyed version that was being sold as retail, it was prabally burned on with a virus then i bought it, it had the normal cover thing on the front of the CD though, and not to many people had somethign that could do that back then.


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## Geoff

ya, here are a few:



> Also how do I put a cpu onto my mobo, is it like a card that clips on?





> I wanna get an AMD CPU, I've gottan Intel CPU, will I need to change mobo to put the AMD?





> If I get a better power supply will my PC be faster?





> I'l probably call computer support to tell me ho to OC...





> Or that a GeForce 6200 512MB would be better than a GeForce 6600GT 128MB.
> 
> 
> 
> but thats like $500...
Click to expand...




> Can you even overclock a graphics card?





> and when I overclock my gpu what will it increase?
> Ram, Pixel Shaders?





> do I have to install and update the Open GL driver like I do with Direct X?





> I heard that I can use part of my HDD as RAM, is it possible?



Dont take any of this personally, lol


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## Apokarteron

Hahahaha, I forgot completely about all those, well you guys have been good PC tutors to me...


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## Chris Chan

Went to a computer sale yesterday, had a guy tell me a 512kb ATi ISA video card was better than a 4mb ATi AGP card, and that a 2mb Matrox AGP was worse than either. I ended up getting an 8mb SiS 6326 AGP.


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## Apokarteron

what is that?  a GPU? ONLY with 8MB, that's ancient...


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## Chris Chan

I got it to upgrade an ancienter S3 ViRgE.


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## Xycron

You can use part of yoru hd as ram....Just crappy rappy slow virtual ram....

and 8MB video cards work fine for regualr computer users. I used to have ine on one of my older computers, then i upgraded it to a 16mb w00t.


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## ceewi1

A few to add to the list, all from people I know personally:



> tech: This monitor has a zero dead pixel policy, which means if it has a dead pixel we'll replace it
> noob: Oh, you'll replace the pixel?





> (noob with an illegal copy of windows burnt to a Kodak CD-R):
> "I didn't know Kodak made Windows!"





> noob: "I can't get onto this website"
> tech "What screen are you looking at now"
> noob: "Well, it's a 17 inch"





> Me (attempting to troubleshoot noobs problem over the phone): "OK, click on the Start button"
> noob: "I don't have a start button"
> Me: "Yes you do, it's in the corner of the screen and it says Start"
> noob: "It's not there"
> After 20mins of him failing to grasp the concept I proceed to drive to his house and click on the start button for him
> noob: "Oh, THAT start button"
> Me:





> computer salesman in the late '90s "They'll never make processors above 700Mhz because there's nothing that could ever use that much power"





> panicked user looking at a popup: "You've got to help me, it says my computer has spyware!!!"





> (computer teacher trying to install a processor) "Where does this thing plug in" (looking at back of PC)
> - then after someone explained how to do it, she attempted to plug in an internal modem into the back of the PC as well!





> (same computer teacher) "If you can't fit all your photos on a floppy, just reduce their resolution.  Then put them on the floppy, copy them to the computer you want it on and increase the resolution again.  You'll have the same photos back"





> Me: "Why do you have the same music playing all the time"
> Same teacher: "I can't figure out how to change the CD"



And don't even let me get started on the compur tech who RMA'd the schools new printer because he couldn't figure out how to change the ink cartridge.  When he couldn't figure out how to change ANY of the cartridges (and wouldn't admit his ignorance), the school had to make do with one printer, which was maintained by someone else.  By the end of the year, the school only had 4 out of 30 laptops working, after which he was promptly fired.

Anyway, a lot of you've probably seen this, but here's a site devoted to this kind of stupidity: http://www.techtales.com/tftechs.html


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## Chris Chan

>>computer salesman in the late '90s "They'll never make processors above 700Mhz because there's nothing that could ever use that much power"
Similar to Bill Gates' quote about computers never needing >640k RAM. (;


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## ceewi1

Chris Chan said:
			
		

> >>computer salesman in the late '90s "They'll never make processors above 700Mhz because there's nothing that could ever use that much power"
> Similar to Bill Gates' quote about computers never needing >640k RAM. (;



Yeh, and the chairman of IBM in the '40s saying “I think there is a world market for maybe five computers.”

You'd think they'd have learnt by now!

EDIT: I forgot about this one before.  Again, from my high school days, same teacher.

I'm sure you all know that laptops ship with a plastic cover over the screen, to protect it during transport.  Well, one student was leasing a laptop from the school.  He was given it with the plastic cover still on the screen, and, naturally, removed it so that he could get to work.  When he returned the laptop to the computer teacher, she was enraged.  According to her, the plastic must never be removed from the screen, and the laptop would need to be returned to the manufacturer for repair.  He was given a detention for "damaging school property".  This only ended when the tech explained the situation!


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## ZER0X

These are two Computer illiterate things I've ever encountered ... and theres plenty more

Aunty"There was something wrong with my dvd burner, it only recently happened, this error keeped coming up when I was burning DVD's, I got friends who have XP Computers to look at it and they just assumed it was because of the DVD burner, so I went out and bought a new DVD burner but funny enough the message is still happening"

Me:"Can I have a look at the error?"
Aunty:"Sure"
Error Message="Not enough disk space"
Me:" :| "
_________________________________________________________________

Mum:"(calls me from other side of the house, While i'm playing online)"
(I enter the study)
Me:"Whats wrong"
Mum:"How do you change the size of the writing, its hard on my eyes"
Me:" :| "


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## Verve

ZER0X said:
			
		

> Mum:"(calls me from other side of the house, While i'm playing online)"
> (I enter the study)
> Me:"Whats wrong"
> Mum:"How do you change the size of the writing, its hard on my eyes"
> Me:" :| "



Whats wrong with that?


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## stalex111

> I wanna get an AMD CPU, I've gottan Intel CPU, will I need to change mobo to put the AMD?



Thats not necessarily a n00b thing, in case you didnt know (and i think you do, cuz your not a n00b) there is such thing as an Intel/AMD MoBo, and there is such thing as an Intel only or an AMD only MoBo so it depends what mobo hes got.

Sorry, Anyway, nice ones, i like the one about contacting comp service to know how to OC, lol.


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## dragon2309

> i like the one about contacting comp service to know how to OC, lol.


I know overclocking is something kept for comuter enthusiasts, but everyone is going round talking like its illegal or something, yeh, the tech might laugh and then hangup but thats all.


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## 34erd

That would suck if overclocking was ileagle...

It would turn into a black market like street racing lol


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## Xycron

34erd said:
			
		

> That would suck if overclocking was ileagle...
> 
> It would turn into a black market like street racing lol



Prabally not, if it was illegal to bein with, most of us prabaly wouln't here of it. How many of you guys neevr heard of OCing before you went to forums or other wbsites


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## burton_o6

tech(me): click on tools
noob(customer): i dont see a tools
Tech: what do you see at the top of ie?
noob:i see file, edit, view, *tools*, help, back,forward...
tech: TOOLS!!!


noob(customer): everything is wrong with this internet service!!!
tech(me): so what is wrong with your internet???
noob: NOTHING!
tech:so your internet is working fine?
noob: YES!
tech:thank you and have a good night 


noob: my cd burner does not work
tech:sir, i can only help you with internet issues
noob: but you are my *internet* service provider?


noob:hi, ive had internet for a *year* but i cant use it
tech(me): well, open up your internet explorer
noob: what is internet exlporer?
tech: go to your desktop
noob:whats my desktop?
tech: its the first thing you see when u start your computer
noob: well i dont have a computer


noob: it says windows has encountered an error, and it asks if i would like to report this issue
tech:so what can i help you with?
noob: well im calling you, so that i can report this error
tech:_click_

these are all calls that i have taken in tech support...ill post more as they come..lol


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## MIK3daG33K

Xycron said:
			
		

> You can use part of yoru hd as ram....Just crappy rappy slow virtual ram....
> 
> and 8MB video cards work fine for regualr computer users. I used to have ine on one of my older computers, then i upgraded it to a 16mb w00t.



Ya it used to happen with all of the old Windows 95 computers it was called "Hashing" by microsoft


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## Xycron

????


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## Motoxrdude

ME=M
Caller=C

M: Hey, what can i help you with?
C: ahhh, my computer doesnt work.
M: OK, what where you doing on your computer?
C: ahhh, nothing really, just listening to music and it stopped working, it just shut off.
M: hmm, thats odd, where you overclocking or anything?
C: ahh, one sec, i have to get some paper towels....
M: okay
(pause)
C: back, sorry, i was cleaning up a mess, the cupholder on my computer retracted while i had my coffee cup on it.
M: theres you problem.
C: what, getting coffee on it???
M: yea.
C: i thought they had some gaurd so that liguids cant accidently get in your computer? I mean shouldnt they have a something like this, it is a cupholder????
M: no, its a CD drive, not a cup holder.


Turns out the coffee leaked into his USB ports and fried it. His computer workds though!

Some people....


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## Xycron

I read the same thing but with tea and shorting out the front panel usb ports....



nd where exactly do you have a job working? being 15 in all...


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## dragon2309

> Yeh, and the chairman of IBM in the '40s saying “I think there is a world market for maybe five computers.”


Hah, thats really strange, i ad just read that quote, then went downstairs, and on UKTV there was Jeremy ClarksonsGreatest things that changed the worlds, and he was doing computers, as i walked in, he quoted that guy from IBM about the 5 computers, that was kinda spooky, lol.....

dragon2309


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## Motoxrdude

Xycron said:
			
		

> I read the same thing but with tea and shorting out the front panel usb ports....
> 
> 
> 
> nd where exactly do you have a job working? being 15 in all...


Yea beleive it or not this happens pretty fequently with pc newbs. I dont have a official job, but i have ads on local community sites as a pc/xbox repair man.


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## Apokarteron

Motoxrdude said:
			
		

> Yea beleive it or not this happens pretty fequently with pc newbs. I dont have a official job, but i have ads on local community sites as a pc/xbox repair man.



Nice...


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## Geoff

stalex111 said:
			
		

> Thats not necessarily a n00b thing, in case you didnt know (and i think you do, cuz your not a n00b) there is such thing as an Intel/AMD MoBo, and there is such thing as an Intel only or an AMD only MoBo so it depends what mobo hes got.


I know they have those, but the fact is he doesnt have on of those motherboards.


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## stalex111

geoff5093 said:
			
		

> I know they have those, but the fact is he doesnt have on of those motherboards.


Right, but if we dont know that, its not hilarious...and the fact he doesnt know you have to change mobo, its not that n00bish, but still.
BTW, if OCing was illegal, what could anyone do abut it???
Actually i just came up with the solution: Could they put locks on the BIOS? (or just not have the option of changing voltages, clockspeed, or anything)


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## Dngrsone

stalex111 said:
			
		

> Right, but if we dont know that, its not hilarious...and the fact he doesnt know you have to change mobo, its not that n00bish, but still.
> BTW, if OCing was illegal, what could anyone do abut it???
> Actually i just came up with the solution: Could they put locks on the BIOS? (or just not have the option of changing voltages, clockspeed, or anything)



Yeah, a lot of Intel chipsets don't support a lot of overclocking.  That's when you have to go old-school and do hardware mods to OC.


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## Apokarteron

Yeah, they wouldn't tell me how to OC over phone support...


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## Geoff

Apokarteron said:
			
		

> Yeah, they wouldn't tell me how to OC over phone support...


why would they?  they probably dont even know how, and if they did, why would they tell you since you'd probably mess up and ask for a refund. lol


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## EnglandUK

LoL, I guess we are all n00bs on one level or in one field, laughing at someone else wont make you any better, I dont like these kind of n00b threads becasue the people who gain a little knowledge seem to forget there own dumb questions and remember everyone elses, sorry to be a party pooper


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## Geoff

EnglandUK said:
			
		

> LoL, I guess we are all n00bs on one level or in one field, laughing at someone else wont make you any better, I dont like these kind of n00b threads becasue the people who gain a little knowledge seem to forget there own dumb questions and remember everyone elses, sorry to be a party pooper


i bet apokartaron knows how you feel


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## EnglandUK

geoff5093 said:
			
		

> i bet apokartaron knows how you feel




I bet you will never be an admin here


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## Apokarteron

Well I never said I'm not a "noob"


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## Motoxrdude

EnglandUK said:
			
		

> I bet you will never be an admin here


harsh


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## ro0kie

You really can't blame evryone for being such noobs when it comes to using a computer. A lot of pple dont know anything about computers, thats why Bestbuy has Geek Squad or tech support. We were all noobs at one point, thats why we ask questions on forums to learn, although they should really check out the 101 first. But yeah thats how I learned a lot from reading through a lot of posts in this forum and online.


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## Apokarteron

ro0kie said:
			
		

> You really can't blame evryone for being such noobs when it comes to using a computer. A lot of pple dont know anything about computers, thats why Bestbuy has Geek Squad or tech support. We were all noobs at one point, thats why we ask questions on forums to learn, although they should really check out the 101 first. But yeah thats how I learned a lot from reading through a lot of posts in this forum and online.



exactly 'clkproject' where ever you are...


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## EnglandUK

Motoxrdude said:
			
		

> harsh



C'mon, wake up please, when you dig up old quotes of people on this forum and post them thats harsh, when you name call, thats harsh too. 

Looking  your post count you probably are better friends with Geoff then me so  I guess you would take sides cos thats who you are. Dont address me with your childish posts, think about what this thread is about and the people it makes fun of.


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## EnglandUK

ro0kie said:
			
		

> You really can't blame evryone for being such noobs when it comes to using a computer. A lot of pple dont know anything about computers, thats why Bestbuy has Geek Squad or tech support. We were all noobs at one point, thats why we ask questions on forums to learn, although they should really check out the 101 first. But yeah thats how I learned a lot from reading through a lot of posts in this forum and online.




Yep, Remember why 90% of us come here, to learn from others and share knowledge. Okay some of you come here more just to help but we all need advice on one thing or another.


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## OS Dragon

I was doing systems analysis as a part of my course once and there where some really computer-phobic people out there. 

User: Hi, my printer won't print.
Support Centre: Yeah, maybe they're not connected.
User: Oh, they are, I've faced my monitor towards the printer.

Unbelievable.


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## Motoxrdude

EnglandUK said:
			
		

> C'mon, wake up please, when you dig up old quotes of people on this forum and post them thats harsh, when you name call, thats harsh too.
> 
> Looking  your post count you probably are better friends with Geoff then me so  I guess you would take sides cos thats who you are. Dont address me with your childish posts, think about what this thread is about and the people it makes fun of.


One thing, who are u to say who i am??? You dont know me, let alone my first name. but no biggie, you probly just said it while rambling. And calling that harsh isnt "childish". Just when you "address" somoneone and belittling them, i think is harsh.

O well no big deal, just letting you know my thoughts, completly ignore this post.

Maybe what i am saying is "noobish"???


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## Mr.Blonde

computer salesman in the late '90s "They'll never make processors above 700Mhz because there's nothing that could ever use that much power"


hahaha.


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## DCIScouts

ro0kie said:
			
		

> You really can't blame evryone for being such noobs when it comes to using a computer. A lot of pple dont know anything about computers, thats why Bestbuy has Geek Squad or tech support. We were all noobs at one point, thats why we ask questions on forums to learn, although they should really check out the 101 first. But yeah thats how I learned a lot from reading through a lot of posts in this forum and online.



Not to put you down, but don't take everything that Best Buy, and especially the Geek Squad says as gold.  As I'm sure that they hire some quality people, most are just blowing smoke up your butt.  P.S. I've seen the aftermath of what some of the Geek Squad people did to a laptop power supply.  I'll explain more later...  Oh, and as far as networking goes, the Best Buy people I've dealt with don't know as much as they think they do.  I've also had to repair/set-up many home wireless networks that didn't work because of their advice.


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## Xelogen

ok people heres one for ya. I was trying to explain to my aunty what i did for a job and got on the topic of computers....... she said  "what's a file??"

Now that's as low as you can go!!!


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## diduknowthat

lol..here's chuncks of conversations of me trying to educate my friend before he goes off and buys a computer...



> Powersupply?! Comptuer's need power!?





> Me: What graphics card do you have?
> Friend: Emachine 17" flat.
> Me: Graphics card...not monitor..
> Friend: OHHHH, 504megs..





> Me: how much memory do you have?
> Friend: 160gigs


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## DCIScouts

There's an e-mail from that lists some of the more interesting conversations that the Dell tech support people have had.  Don't know where I put it, but I remember one was where a lady thought that her CD drive was a cup holder and couldn't figure out why it kept closing when the computer would start up...  Although I don't like demeaning the non-computer savvy, but there are some people who should just stay as far away from technology as possible, mostly for their own safety.


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## Ku-sama

luiluiboy said:
			
		

> Me: how much memory do you have?
> Friend: 160gigs



thats one that most EVERY n00b messes up


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## diduknowthat

dciscouts said:
			
		

> There's an e-mail from that lists some of the more interesting conversations that the Dell tech support people have had.  Don't know where I put it, but I remember one was where a lady thought that her CD drive was a cup holder and couldn't figure out why it kept closing when the computer would start up...  Although I don't like demeaning the non-computer savvy, but there are some people who should just stay as far away from technology as possible, mostly for their own safety.



it'd be funny if they put a cup holder instead of a cd rom in a computer and sell it to an absolute computer noob.


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## skidude

"Wait, you mean the floppy drive is _*not*_ the place where I put my credit card when I order something off amazon?!?!?"


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## DCIScouts

skidude said:
			
		

> "Wait, you mean the floppy drive is _*not*_ the place where I put my credit card when I order something off amazon?!?!?"



LOL, yeah, I've heard that one, too.


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## skidude

A Dell customer called to say he couldn't get his computer to fax anything.  After 40 minutes of trouble-shooting, the technician discovered the man was trying to fax a piece of paper by holding it in front of the monitor  screen and hitting the "send" key.

Me- "What kind of clock speeds do you have??"
Friend- "I can't tell you that, my clock is digital"


"Oh man, I just got a PC from Bestbuy today and *man* does it play CS 1.6 at like 50 FPS!!"


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## ro0kie

If you guys think that's funny... I reformatted my dad's comp. with korean windows xp so he doesn't have to ask me about evrything. Now evrything on his comp is in korean even the start button. One day I was helping him out and I told him to click on "start" in korean but he still had a hard time looking for it even though it was in korean.. I was like, oOkay I'm going to js leave the room now.. -_-


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## spkenn5

Customer: I don't have a '7' key.
Support: It's between the '6' and '8' key.
Customer: I don't have a '7' key.
Support: Do you see the '1' key?
Customer: Yes.
Support: What's to the right of that?
Customer: '2'
Support: And further right?
Customer: '3', '4', '5', '6'
Support: What's the next key?
Customer: '8'
Support: It should be to the left of the '8'
Customer: Oh, that '7' key?


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## 34erd

Geek squads an idiot.

Me:  Where are your fans
GS:  Right here
Me: Thanks
GS: What do you need it for?
Me: I just want to add another fan to cool my RAM (I've got VX which get s pretty toasty)
GS: Oh, then you need this: (Hands me a $30 BFG ramsink)
Me: I've already got a sink.  I just want a fan
GS: Well just bring it in and we'll fix it
Me: No, I just need anotehr fan
GS: (Me being twelve he thinks i'm an idiot) are you sure?
Me: Yes
GS: Cause its only 20 and we'll fix it
Me: No thanks (at this point I'm trying not to be rude because my moms there)  Where are the floppys?
GS: Right here
Me: Thanks
GS: But the floppys of the future, are flash drives.  See you put it in this thing called a USB port, and it transfer data.  Amazing right?
Mom: Yeah! (She's clueless and is about to buy it)
Me: I dont need one I'm just uuh (I was flashing my BIOS, but at the big deal he made from adding a fan, I decided not to mention it)


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## M0ddingMan1a

34erd said:
			
		

> Geek squads an idiot.
> 
> Me:  Where are your fans
> GS:  Right here
> Me: Thanks
> GS: What do you need it for?
> Me: I just want to add another fan to cool my RAM (I've got VX which get s pretty toasty)
> GS: Oh, then you need this: (Hands me a $30 BFG ramsink)
> Me: I've already got a sink.  I just want a fan
> GS: Well just bring it in and we'll fix it
> Me: No, I just need anotehr fan
> GS: (Me being twelve he thinks i'm an idiot) are you sure?
> Me: Yes
> GS: Cause its only 20 and we'll fix it
> Me: No thanks (at this point I'm trying not to be rude because my moms there)  Where are the floppys?
> GS: Right here
> Me: Thanks
> GS: But the floppys of the future, are flash drives.  See you put it in this thing called a USB port, and it transfer data.  Amazing right?
> Mom: Yeah! (She's clueless and is about to buy it)
> Me: I dont need one I'm just uuh (I was flashing my BIOS, but at the big deal he made from adding a fan, I decided not to mention it)




wow........ i woulda just smacked him and walked off.


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## Dngrsone

> Me: how much memory do you have?
> Friend: 160gigs



That's a perfectly legitimate answer.  You didn't specify _what_ kind of memory, so the friend told you how much non-volatile memory was available.

I know I have asked my fair share of n00bish questions, and I feel that this kind of  humor is insensitive at the very least.  I'd much rather see a thread that rotates around "what was _your_ most n00bish moment."  That is humourous and entertaining, and not slamming poor people whose only problem is lack of knowledge.


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## Raditz

yea. Push the power button without shutting it down properly.


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## skidude

34erd said:
			
		

> Geek squads an idiot.
> 
> Me:  Where are your fans
> GS:  Right here
> Me: Thanks
> GS: What do you need it for?
> Me: I just want to add another fan to cool my RAM (I've got VX which get s pretty toasty)
> GS: Oh, then you need this: (Hands me a $30 BFG ramsink)
> Me: I've already got a sink.  I just want a fan
> GS: Well just bring it in and we'll fix it
> Me: No, I just need anotehr fan
> GS: (Me being twelve he thinks i'm an idiot) are you sure?
> Me: Yes
> GS: Cause its only 20 and we'll fix it
> Me: No thanks (at this point I'm trying not to be rude because my moms there)  Where are the floppys?
> GS: Right here
> Me: Thanks
> GS: But the floppys of the future, are flash drives.  See you put it in this thing called a USB port, and it transfer data.  Amazing right?
> Mom: Yeah! (She's clueless and is about to buy it)
> Me: I dont need one I'm just uuh (I was flashing my BIOS, but at the big deal he made from adding a fan, I decided not to mention it)



Oh man so true, just because you are young does not mean you are automatically stupid.


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## Geoff

i want to do that at best buy, just to see what they say.


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## MIK3daG33K

Grandma: I dont' know what i did i hit something and now thats all it does is type in caps. I think I got a virus.

Me: Hit the caps locks, which is an 1/8th of and inch to the left of the A button

Grandma: Oh.


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## Motoxrdude

lol yea. People like that are funny. When i godown to the local circuit city crap like that happens so much. Theres this one guy that i swear is always there. Everytime i come in he recognizes me and starts talking about Wow, computers, xboxs, and keeps me up to date with everything! I dont mind it to much though, hes a nice guy, just a little annoying at times


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## mikee

heres a noob story i got emailed sorry if its a lil hard to read but thats just the way i recieved it anyways i think its funny

>>   "Rich Hall computer assistance; May I help you?">>>>   "Yes, well, I'm having trouble with WordPerfect.">>>>   "What sort of trouble?">>>>   "Well, I was just typing along, and all of a sudden the words went away.">>>>   "Went away?">>>>   "They disappeared.">>>>   "Hmmm. So what does your screen look like now?">>>>   "Nothing.">>>>   "Nothing?">>>>   "It's a blank; it won' t accept anything when I type.">>>>   "Are you still in WordPerfect, or did you get out?">>>>   "How do I tell?">>>>   "Can you see the C: prompt on the screen?">>>>   "What's a sea-prompt?">>>>   "Never mind, can you move your cursor around the screen?">>>>   "There isn't any cursor: I told you, it won't accept anything I type.">>>>   "Does your monitor have a power indicator?">>>>   "What's a monitor?">>>>   "It's the thing with the screen on it that looks like a TV. Does it have a>>>>   little light that tells you when it's on?">>>>   "I don't know.">>>>   "Well, then look on the back of the monitor and find where the power>>>>   cord goes into it. Can you see that?">>>>   "Yes, I think so.">>>>   "Great. Follow the cord to the plug, and tell me if it's plugged into the>>>>   wall.">>>>   "Yes, it is.">>>>   "When you were behind the monitor, did you notice that there were two>>>>   cables plugged into the back of it, not just one?">>>>   "No.">>>>   "Well , there are. I need you to look back there again and find the other>>>>   cable.">>>>   "Okay, here it is.">>>>   "Follow it for me, and tell me if it's plugged securely into the back of>>>>   your computer.">>>>   "I can't reach.">>>>   "Uh huh. Well, can you see if it is?">>>>   "No.">>>>   "Even if you maybe put your knee on something and lean way over?">>>>   "Oh, it's not because I don't have the right angle it's because it's dark.>>>>   ""Dark?">>>>   "Yes, the office light is off, and the only light I have is coming in from>>>>   the window.">>>>   "Well, turn on the office light then.">>>>   "I can't.">>>>   "No? Why not?">>>>   "Because there's a power failure.">>>>   "A power....... a power failure?.... Aha, Okay, we've got it licked now.>>>>   Do you still have the boxes and manuals and packing stuff your computer>>>>   came in?">>>>   "Well, yes, I keep them in the closet.">>>>   "Good. Go get them, and unplug your system and pack it up just like it was>>>>   when you got it. Then take it back to the store you bought it from.">>>>   "Really? Is it that bad?">>>>   "Yes, I'm afraid it is.">>>>   "Well, all right then, I suppose. What do I tell them?>>>>   "Tell them you're too ****ing stupid to own a computer.">>


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## diduknowthat

mikee said:
			
		

> heres a noob story i got emailed sorry if its a lil hard to read but thats just the way i recieved it anyways i think its funny
> 
> >>   "Rich Hall computer assistance; May I help you?">>>>   "Yes, well, I'm having trouble with WordPerfect.">>>>   "What sort of trouble?">>>>   "Well, I was just typing along, and all of a sudden the words went away.">>>>   "Went away?">>>>   "They disappeared.">>>>   "Hmmm. So what does your screen look like now?">>>>   "Nothing.">>>>   "Nothing?">>>>   "It's a blank; it won' t accept anything when I type.">>>>   "Are you still in WordPerfect, or did you get out?">>>>   "How do I tell?">>>>   "Can you see the C: prompt on the screen?">>>>   "What's a sea-prompt?">>>>   "Never mind, can you move your cursor around the screen?">>>>   "There isn't any cursor: I told you, it won't accept anything I type.">>>>   "Does your monitor have a power indicator?">>>>   "What's a monitor?">>>>   "It's the thing with the screen on it that looks like a TV. Does it have a>>>>   little light that tells you when it's on?">>>>   "I don't know.">>>>   "Well, then look on the back of the monitor and find where the power>>>>   cord goes into it. Can you see that?">>>>   "Yes, I think so.">>>>   "Great. Follow the cord to the plug, and tell me if it's plugged into the>>>>   wall.">>>>   "Yes, it is.">>>>   "When you were behind the monitor, did you notice that there were two>>>>   cables plugged into the back of it, not just one?">>>>   "No.">>>>   "Well , there are. I need you to look back there again and find the other>>>>   cable.">>>>   "Okay, here it is.">>>>   "Follow it for me, and tell me if it's plugged securely into the back of>>>>   your computer.">>>>   "I can't reach.">>>>   "Uh huh. Well, can you see if it is?">>>>   "No.">>>>   "Even if you maybe put your knee on something and lean way over?">>>>   "Oh, it's not because I don't have the right angle it's because it's dark.>>>>   ""Dark?">>>>   "Yes, the office light is off, and the only light I have is coming in from>>>>   the window.">>>>   "Well, turn on the office light then.">>>>   "I can't.">>>>   "No? Why not?">>>>   "Because there's a power failure.">>>>   "A power....... a power failure?.... Aha, Okay, we've got it licked now.>>>>   Do you still have the boxes and manuals and packing stuff your computer>>>>   came in?">>>>   "Well, yes, I keep them in the closet.">>>>   "Good. Go get them, and unplug your system and pack it up just like it was>>>>   when you got it. Then take it back to the store you bought it from.">>>>   "Really? Is it that bad?">>>>   "Yes, I'm afraid it is.">>>>   "Well, all right then, I suppose. What do I tell them?>>>>   "Tell them you're too ****ing stupid to own a computer.">>




LOL i remember that one, read it a while ago. I wonder if the tech support dude got screwed over by his boss..


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## ZER0X

Starwarsman said:
			
		

> Whats wrong with that?



When your doing something and you have to leave it just to help someone to change a font size. Its friggen annoying.


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## diduknowthat

34erd said:
			
		

> Geek squads an idiot.
> 
> Me:  Where are your fans
> GS:  Right here
> Me: Thanks
> GS: What do you need it for?
> Me: I just want to add another fan to cool my RAM (I've got VX which get s pretty toasty)
> GS: Oh, then you need this: (Hands me a $30 BFG ramsink)
> Me: I've already got a sink.  I just want a fan
> GS: Well just bring it in and we'll fix it
> Me: No, I just need anotehr fan
> GS: (Me being twelve he thinks i'm an idiot) are you sure?
> Me: Yes
> GS: Cause its only 20 and we'll fix it
> Me: No thanks (at this point I'm trying not to be rude because my moms there)  Where are the floppys?
> GS: Right here
> Me: Thanks
> GS: But the floppys of the future, are flash drives.  See you put it in this thing called a USB port, and it transfer data.  Amazing right?
> Mom: Yeah! (She's clueless and is about to buy it)
> Me: I dont need one I'm just uuh (I was flashing my BIOS, but at the big deal he made from adding a fan, I decided not to mention it)



lol, yeah i hate it when adults thinks im a computer noob, i was in China buying computers, and heres a conversation i had w/ a computer noob trying to sell me computer...

Me: What graphics card does that computer have'?
Him: Intel Extreme Graphics 3, its the best graphics card right now..*rambles on about how good it is*
Me: right..it sucks, anyways, how much ram?
Him: 256MB, it's all you need, no games today use over that much.
Me: *starts to think he's an idiot..* Why does it say "delux" after the computers model?
Him: ahhh, good question, because motherboards crack after years of use, this comptuer uses harder motherboards, therefore making the computer faster and work better!
Me: *walk away...*


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## Geoff

liuliuboy said:
			
		

> lol, yeah i hate it when adults thinks im a computer noob, i was in China buying computers, and heres a conversation i had w/ a computer noob trying to sell me computer...
> 
> Me: What graphics card does that computer have'?
> Him: Intel Extreme Graphics 3, its the best graphics card right now..*rambles on about how good it is*
> Me: right..it sucks, anyways, how much ram?
> Him: 256MB, it's all you need, no games today use over that much.
> Me: *starts to think he's an idiot..* Why does it say "delux" after the computers model?
> Him: ahhh, good question, because motherboards crack after years of use, this comptuer uses harder motherboards, therefore making the computer faster and work better!
> Me: *walk away...*


lmao!  thats amazing


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## suprasteve

To 34erd: just thought I would tell you that I feel for you, I mean after reading some of your posts, I still don't believe you're only 12.  My little brother is 13 and can't even figure out Windows Media Player (and all he uses the computer for is music and IM).  Just wait till you're like 15 or 16 and then everybody just expects you to smart off at them, then you can say what's really on your mind, might I suggest tearing the Geek Squad a new one... anyways, just thought I should say that you're like a friggin' prodigy or something and to keep it up cause you'll be making more in high school than the average person with a career does


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## M0ddingMan1a

liuliuboy said:
			
		

> lol, yeah i hate it when adults thinks im a computer noob, i was in China buying computers, and heres a conversation i had w/ a computer noob trying to sell me computer...
> 
> Me: What graphics card does that computer have'?
> Him: Intel Extreme Graphics 3, its the best graphics card right now..*rambles on about how good it is*
> Me: right..it sucks, anyways, how much ram?
> Him: 256MB, it's all you need, no games today use over that much.
> Me: *starts to think he's an idiot..* Why does it say "delux" after the computers model?
> Him: ahhh, good question, because motherboards crack after years of use, this comptuer uses harder motherboards, therefore making the computer faster and work better!
> Me: *walk away...*




AHAHHAHAH WTF?>!!?!?!!!? THE new DELUXE mobo, lasts twice as long as the  other normal mobo's, because they dont BREAK as often........


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## Motoxrdude

lol thats crazy!!! Has anyone ever have a mother board just snap on them without opening the case?!?!?!?!


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## Dngrsone

Motoxrdude said:
			
		

> lol thats crazy!!! Has anyone ever have a mother board just snap on them without opening the case?!?!?!?!



Well, there was that one time when a car crashed into teh building.  The deluxe boards were fine, but the other ones... trashed.


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## Motoxrdude

Ah man too funny


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## suprasteve

ok, just got one:
In response to me telling this guy to clone his mac address on his router, he states, "Should have mentioned I have a PC, not a Mac. Thanks for your response"
http://computerforum.com/showthread.php?t=34077


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## Ku-sama

a funny ass convo at best buy

Me: Where's your Memory at?
GS: Over there *walks me to it*
Me: thanks
GS: sure, are you interested in upgrading your processor as well?
Me: i dunno, what do you have
GS: well, we can get you a 4GHz P4EE
Me: uhm... they dont make them that fast, and that processor sucks for what i do
GS: but if you buy this Heatsink and Fan assembly, then you can overclock it to 4GHz
Me: i have a 2.4GHz AMD Athlon 4000+ San Deigo
GS: AMD's are horrible and slow, only 2.4GHz?
Me: not at gaming, and the X2's are whooping the crap out of every Intel at multitasking
GS: bull, i have my 4GHz P4EE overclocked in the back, do you have your system with you?
Me: Yup, in the car
GS: get it, we'll run 3DMark06
Me:  okay sweat pea
GS: and ill even overclock mine futher just to show you mine is surpreme
Me: fine by me *runs out to my moms card and gets comp*
GS: your lucky i cant push farther the 4.1, it gets too hot
Me: Stupid Intels, my processor is always under 90F even while overclocking
GS: cause its slow
Me: alright then *overclocks to 2.8GHz pure HTT@234 *
GS: okay, lets bench


Results are: 
Me: 29XX
Him: 7XX

turns out he thought gaming was all about how fast your GHz are, not the fact you have a FX5600 with 512MB of system RAM 

pfft..... n00bs


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## 34erd

Lol... what was the look on his face and what did he say... he sure got pwnd by you lol.

I need to try that... Next time I go to bestbuy I have to send my parents off to buy headphones or something and then tape record the GS being an idiot lol...


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## Ku-sama

"Yeah, well my CPU Scored highe........"
"yeah, no, it didnt, now, how about that RAM?"


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## Geoff

that was hilarious, makes me want to go to best buy and pretend to be a noob even more then before 

And did you really want to buy RAM from Best Buy?


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## ReturnToEmpire

geoff5093 said:
			
		

> that was hilarious, makes me want to go to best buy and pretend to be a noob even more then before
> 
> And did you really want to buy RAM from Best Buy?


lol, my friend works at best buy not on the geek squad though. bt i do get decent discounts on dvd burners and the such.


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## Ku-sama

geoff5093 said:
			
		

> that was hilarious, makes me want to go to best buy and pretend to be a noob even more then before
> 
> And did you really want to buy RAM from Best Buy?


 
just wanted to look at what they had, check for deals, ya know


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## fatal1ty_fan

thats tooooooo funny 
u know what im going to go there tomarrow and do that to them


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## DCIScouts

I just have five words to respond to this: I hate the Geek Squad.  (I could give multiple examples of their stupidity, but not worth the time...)


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## 34erd

fatal1ty_fan said:
			
		

> thats tooooooo funny
> u know what im going to go there tomarrow and do that to them


Bring a recorder and post it up for us


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## fatal1ty_fan

i will hahaha


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## Praetor

> I wanna get an AMD CPU, I've gottan Intel CPU, will I need to change mobo to put the AMD?


No if you've got the right motherboard.



> and when I overclock my gpu what will it increase?
> Ram, Pixel Shaders?


Hardly a noob question as those are the clocks that can be changed 



> Thats not necessarily a n00b thing, in case you didnt know (and i think you do, cuz your not a n00b) there is such thing as an Intel/AMD MoBo, and there is such thing as an Intel only or an AMD only MoBo so it depends what mobo hes got.


Oh he knows. I nailed him on that *here*



> LoL, I guess we are all n00bs on one level or in one field, laughing at someone else wont make you any better, I dont like these kind of n00b threads becasue the people who gain a little knowledge seem to forget there own dumb questions and remember everyone elses, sorry to be a party pooper


I concur 



> i bet apokartaron knows how you feel


So should you.



> I bet you will never be an admin here


Thats a safe bet



> User: Hi, my printer won't print.
> Support Centre: Yeah, maybe they're not connected.
> User: Oh, they are, I've faced my monitor towards the printer.
> 
> Unbelievable.


Printers can connect via RF/IR 



> Yep, Remember why 90% of us come here, to learn from others and share knowledge. Okay some of you come here more just to help but we all need advice on one thing or another.


Which is precisely the reason this thread is going to say good night  CF is for promoting knowledge ... not for putting people down ... cuz if that was the case, i'd have a field day and a half (and im quite sure some would have a field day with me as well)


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